Joie De Vivre

I’ve been looking at old photos recently. Not “infant” old but more middle- to high-school old. Watching old videos too, listening to the songs we used to listen to at that point.

I couldn’t figure out why, I couldn’t understand why my brain wanted me to rehash the past, and see things, see people, more importantly, that aren’t a constant in my life. Not to say I didn’t care about them anymore, but more weren’t people I would talk to every day.

Being me, being the over-sensitive, over-emotional, over-everything-that-I-should-be-able-to-control-but-can’t person I am, I start to over-think, wonder what happened between then and now, why I’m so different now. Why aren’t those people in my life? Most importantly, why was I happy then, and not now?

And then it hit me, like a train; joie de vivre.  I used to enjoy life, no matter the circumstances, no matter where I was. There were places I would enjoy more than others, of course. Dubai more than Beirut, school more than university (yes, I know it’s odd), a friend’s place more than a nightclub, but I would try to make the best out of it.

Joie de vivre translated means the exuberant enjoyment of life. It’s what we all should strive for. Instead of me sitting in my office, hating not only life but myself included, trying with all my might not to cry over something silly like a little girl holding a teddy bear. It’s that much of a struggle for me that the innocence that’s paired with a child that resembles my very own childlike persona could tip me over the edge.

I’m not going to say I’m going to go find my happiness, or whatever people do when they have an epiphany. I’m too far gone to find where it is; also adults don’t really get to have joie de vivre, at least not at this point.

At the very least, I do have a plan. A plan that could possibly get me out of this depression and that is kind of exciting. It’s exciting whenever I see myself trying to change my circumstances because I’m not happy, because it reminds me of who I used to be, it reminds me that I’m not just going to be a doormat. It reminds me that someone inside me knows that my happiness is worth fighting for.


Salutations 2016

My title is so nerdy, but meh, so am I. Honestly, if you didn’t think I was a nerd, but in the cute, quirky way, I doubt you’d be reading this. ANYWAY, its 2016! Helloooo New Year! Happy New Year/Merry Christmas to you and yours, since my last 2015 blog was before those, and I really do hope all of you have had a wonderful holiday season. I sure have, but wonderful/crazy tend to merge with my amazing family that I love so much and see too much of during the holidays.

However, this isn’t about how my holidays went. This blog post is here for three reasons. 1, I need to talk about my 3 small resolutions for January. 2, I needed to start off the new year of blogging. 3, one of my best friends, Nishaat (who is also my wifey) was hoping for a new blog. And isn’t that just so cute? I didn’t think anyone actually looked forward to these. It’s more like “oh… I’m bored, might as well read this.”

So much self-confidence I have in myself, right? Nour Sheety is Number 1.

Never mind about that! On to the resolutions!!

Alright, January is pretty simple. January is the month to do everything you wanted to do last year, but after filtering out all the kind of stupid stuff. So, for January I have 3 very easy resolutions.

#1: Pass my parking (which is after tomorrow, eek!) and my driving (TBD) tests, so I can finally drive myself everywhere.

I CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW EXCITED I AM TO SEE HOW CLOSE I AM TO FINISHING MY DRIVING LESSONS. And so terrified to possibly fail them. Driving tests in the U.A.E. are insane. For example, the parking tests? If you re-adjust, you fail. I CAN’T TAKE THIS PRESSURE. But I’m also sort of a perfectionist. I never failed a single test in university, and I’m mostly a B+ to A- student, more towards A’s in my senior year. I feel proud about it, I’m not ashamed or braggy, it’s just something about me. So, I need to pass. I have to do it. Wish me luck!!

#2: Re-join the gym.

How cliché am I right now? But seriously, I started gymming late November, early December. I got a personal trainer and everything. Zumba, Yoga, bla. Then… I went to Lebanon for a week for a visit. Psh, I’m not gonna work out there? You crazy? Then I came back here a week before Christmas. But, dude, it’s Christmas, I can’t work out! Then, there’s only a week till the New Year, and bam it’s 2016. And I’m finally out of excuses. TO THE GYM!

#3: Find a choir group.

If you know me, you know I love singing. I might not be the best at it, but I can keep in tune, and it makes me happy. So, instead of belting out songs in my room, I’m gonna find a choir group I can join in Dubai, and possibly join it with my brother. The possibly isn’t for me though. There is no possibly in these resolutions, I’m doing them. I have to do something with my life.

I was telling one of my friends, that this year is not “New Year, New Me” stuff, although, if that’s you go for it. I hate it when people go “oh let’s get ready for the New Year, New Me bullshit.” Guys, people are allowed to re-invent themselves, if they want to. What’s it to you anyway? They’re not changing anything about you. Anyway, to get back on topic, same me, just better. Same me, just filling up more of my “potential.”

I can’t wait to start this year, to finally do all the stuff I want to do! Who knows if I’ll even stick to this, who knows if I’ll have 3 resolutions every month, but as long as I do things like join a choir, or take ballroom dancing lessons, or just drive wherever I want to, I’ll be happy.

And I haven’t wished for love this year. Love is whatever. I have love, I love all the wonderful people in my life. And I haven’t wished for happiness either, because that’s in my own hands.

What I have wished for? The will to control my own destiny. It’s been a long time coming, around 21 years. It’s time to do it. Better late than never! 2016, let’s start living.


Here’s a little something about me: I hate where I live.

Consider this, I was born and raised in one place for 15 years, then I moved with half my family to another place and I’m still currently there. I hate change, even though I know it’s inevitable, and I’m shy and introverted. Change scares me, and therefore, Life scares me. But, to make the best out of a bad situation, I made my comfort zone my shell and like a turtle, carried that everywhere with me. It was hard to make friends, but I did the best I could and I found that some people are worth letting into your bubble, even if they don’t intend to stay. Sometimes, they change you for the better.

Anyway, this blog post isn’t about my amazing transformation from ugly shy duckling into beautiful outgoing swan. I’m still as introverted as ever. I just wanted to show my readers, and anyone else who’s randomly listening, what my writing style is like, and I decided to show one of my pieces (a prose piece) which I wrote around 2 years ago about what being on the outside is like. And how badly I want to fit in but I seemingly cannot.

Don’t speak. Don’t move. Just listen. All the birds are singing the same tune. Perfect harmony. If you just listen, you can hear all the peace in the world. Imagine all that’s right, and pray that all that’s wrong was imagined.

Now listen again.

That damned bird. That one bird that’s chirping a different tune. Disrupting the peace, ruining the harmony. Why would it do that?

Listen some more.

It’s a cry for help. It’s not a song, its a confused whimper. Falling, crashing, hoping for some help. “Please help me sing your song,” it says, “I’ve been in the dark for so long.” The bird wants to fit in, but has been out of the loop for so long. Can it? Will it? Is the bird too different?

Perhaps it’s like a rock, wedged in the sea, waves constantly crashing and taking away. The waves lose nothing, but the rock’s sharp and witty edges are withering away. Do the waves care? No. They have been set in their ways. Since the beginning of time, the moon has been pulling and pushing the tide. Who is this lowly rock to tell the moon that it’s wrong?

The rock, though it may take time, will smooth over. The rock will have perfect edges, and will not draw blood from those who stand up on it. Will not speak unless spoken to, will not breath till the waves allow it to. The bird will hum the tune of it’s people now.

The spindle of life is still turning. As humans, we see something sharp and we must touch it. No matter how many times we are told not to touch the cactus, it’s very enticing to us. We have pricked our fingers on the spindle of life and we’ve fallen into a deep sleep. A sleep called contentment. We’re all fine, and we can’t complain, and life’s grand. And we’re asleep, and there’s no prince and there’s no way out? The walls are closing in.

No, I refuse to accept this. It’s not happiness, it’s pseudo-contentment. Fine is not good, we can’t complain because we’ll be branded ungrateful and life’s grand because well at least we’ve got out health. This pseudo-contentment is all we’ve got, and we stay there because… we do. We stay because every time we see a cactus, we prick our fingers. We stay because we make the same mistakes. We stay although we’ve got nothing to lose. The bird stays, and learns the new song. The rock stays and loses, day after day. We don’t plan to move away. Sometimes, we can’t. Sometimes, it’s not our choice. Who are we to uproot our lives and move? Who is a person without their roots?

Why do I stay in the arms of pseudo-contentment? What have I got to lose?


Well… I felt like that was kind of intense. I hope you enjoyed it. It’s one of the pieces I’m proud of. Also, to continue a story and not leave you with questions, I have changed. I’m different than the person who lived in one place all her life, but I’ve kept the qualities that make me the person I am. So, maybe I have changed for the better for adapting. It’s not always easy to admit that a place you hate was good for you, but I think it builds character or something of the sort. Let your experiences guide your personality. It might surprise you.