Adaptation

Here’s a little something about me: I hate where I live.

Consider this, I was born and raised in one place for 15 years, then I moved with half my family to another place and I’m still currently there. I hate change, even though I know it’s inevitable, and I’m shy and introverted. Change scares me, and therefore, Life scares me. But, to make the best out of a bad situation, I made my comfort zone my shell and like a turtle, carried that everywhere with me. It was hard to make friends, but I did the best I could and I found that some people are worth letting into your bubble, even if they don’t intend to stay. Sometimes, they change you for the better.

Anyway, this blog post isn’t about my amazing transformation from ugly shy duckling into beautiful outgoing swan. I’m still as introverted as ever. I just wanted to show my readers, and anyone else who’s randomly listening, what my writing style is like, and I decided to show one of my pieces (a prose piece) which I wrote around 2 years ago about what being on the outside is like. And how badly I want to fit in but I seemingly cannot.
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Don’t speak. Don’t move. Just listen. All the birds are singing the same tune. Perfect harmony. If you just listen, you can hear all the peace in the world. Imagine all that’s right, and pray that all that’s wrong was imagined.

Now listen again.

That damned bird. That one bird that’s chirping a different tune. Disrupting the peace, ruining the harmony. Why would it do that?

Listen some more.

It’s a cry for help. It’s not a song, its a confused whimper. Falling, crashing, hoping for some help. “Please help me sing your song,” it says, “I’ve been in the dark for so long.” The bird wants to fit in, but has been out of the loop for so long. Can it? Will it? Is the bird too different?

Perhaps it’s like a rock, wedged in the sea, waves constantly crashing and taking away. The waves lose nothing, but the rock’s sharp and witty edges are withering away. Do the waves care? No. They have been set in their ways. Since the beginning of time, the moon has been pulling and pushing the tide. Who is this lowly rock to tell the moon that it’s wrong?

The rock, though it may take time, will smooth over. The rock will have perfect edges, and will not draw blood from those who stand up on it. Will not speak unless spoken to, will not breath till the waves allow it to. The bird will hum the tune of it’s people now.

The spindle of life is still turning. As humans, we see something sharp and we must touch it. No matter how many times we are told not to touch the cactus, it’s very enticing to us. We have pricked our fingers on the spindle of life and we’ve fallen into a deep sleep. A sleep called contentment. We’re all fine, and we can’t complain, and life’s grand. And we’re asleep, and there’s no prince and there’s no way out? The walls are closing in.

No, I refuse to accept this. It’s not happiness, it’s pseudo-contentment. Fine is not good, we can’t complain because we’ll be branded ungrateful and life’s grand because well at least we’ve got out health. This pseudo-contentment is all we’ve got, and we stay there because… we do. We stay because every time we see a cactus, we prick our fingers. We stay because we make the same mistakes. We stay although we’ve got nothing to lose. The bird stays, and learns the new song. The rock stays and loses, day after day. We don’t plan to move away. Sometimes, we can’t. Sometimes, it’s not our choice. Who are we to uproot our lives and move? Who is a person without their roots?

Why do I stay in the arms of pseudo-contentment? What have I got to lose?

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Well… I felt like that was kind of intense. I hope you enjoyed it. It’s one of the pieces I’m proud of. Also, to continue a story and not leave you with questions, I have changed. I’m different than the person who lived in one place all her life, but I’ve kept the qualities that make me the person I am. So, maybe I have changed for the better for adapting. It’s not always easy to admit that a place you hate was good for you, but I think it builds character or something of the sort. Let your experiences guide your personality. It might surprise you.

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Thump Thump

It has recently come to my attention that the world revolves around heartbreak. And that they’re are several forms of heartbreak, so I don’t mean that the world revolves around love. Yes, the Beatles sang about how all you need is love, love, love is all you need, and maybe that’s true for some people (I honestly think you need more) but I’m talking about the pain.

I believe anything could break your heart, and that there are degrees of shattering. Also, I don’t mean to belittle the earth-shattering end of a romantic relationship that at times doesn’t seem to get better. I think that would be the most prominent form and rightfully so. How many of us have cried over love, requited or unrequited.

However, to get to the point, I’m going to talk about other forms. For example, children can break their mothers’ hearts in a matter of minutes. It takes a few words, a few unanswered questions, a few ungrateful replies. In my experience (as a child) a mother’s whole world is her children, no matter what else is on her mind, the children will always have a place there, and are always a priority. So, it makes sense that we’re also in her heart, at all times. So, imagine, if you will, a person who has taken care of you before you were even born, till adulthood and even further. Imagine now what place you hold in that heart. Imagine saying something that could hurt that person, and in turn, that heart. Shatter.

As Phil Collins says in one of my favorite songs (You’ll Be In My Heart) “No words describe a mother’s tears, no words can heal a broken heart” In that passage, he’s not talking about the romantic type of love.

Another form of heart break that I experience a lot is the hurt that happens when I fight with a friend. Mostly it’s my “soulmate” (best friend) and I love her to bits. She’s probably my favorite person that’s not family, but we fight a lot, no doubt. And every time we fight, my heart breaks a little bit. And I’m not saying that I’m innocent in all of this, not at all. The problem is we know everything about each other, so we know exactly what to say to hit that heart ache, even though we don’t mean to. Just those little words that stay with you, and boom, clap, the sound of my heart… breaking.

There are many forms, not getting the thing you wanted, not achieving your goals, getting angry at something you’ve created (you are your biggest critic, I would know), having a terrible day. As I said, degrees of shattering, and, depending on the degree, you have to learn how to patch it up now.

I think that heartbreak is a part of life, and a very big part. Because, we love, we make friends, we yell at people, we break up, we feel things. Emotions are a part of life, which includes hurt. I relate hurt to heartbreak because it only hurts if it affects your heart, right? But, since heartbreak is a part of life, we grow because of it, we build character, we learn from our mistakes.

I know most of us try to shove out the hurt. “No, I’m not hurting. Are you kidding? I’m fine!” But, it’s natural to feel broken, and like there’s no one to talk to and there’s no one who feels like you do. And it’s normal to not want to talk about it right now. But recognize that people want to help you and want you to talk to them, so help them help you, and don’t bottle it up for too long. After all, it’s only life.

Sorry this post was late guys, got a lot on my plate! Enjoy the video, and I’ll be back with a post on Saturday 🙂

Adieu till later, my friends.