Faulty February

So, it’s February, which means I missed my end of Jan deadline. But that’s alright, because life is messy anyway (she says in an attempt to overlook her messed up schedule, even though she knows posting regularly is the trick to getting a recognizable blog).

To start off with January resolutions, I did find a choir group. A couple actually, but they all require payment. And I’m into singing for joy, not for paying. So, that’s one resolution that didn’t work out. As for the gym, I didn’t really start in January, but I did go yesterday and I’m planning to go on Wednesday as well and finally sign up with a new personal trainer. And next, my driver’s license.

Well, after passing my parking test (the second time) and my assessment test (first time) it was finally time to take my final test. This was February first, and I’m happy to say I passed on the first try, and got my driver’s license and everything worked out, and I was so happy… for about two seconds.

February started out really great for me, well, the first week. Sunday, Jan 31st, my name appeared as an editor in Read magazine, which was really huge, it made me really excited. And then the next day I got my driver’s license, which was even more exciting. Then it kinda died down and life went on normally. My dad came to visit, to teach me how to drive properly, which was really cool of him. But all I learned was that I’m not a good driver at all.

Just like school doesn’t prepare you for real life, driving school doesn’t prepare you for the roads. Every time I drove with my father, which is around four times before he had to travel back to Greece, I cried. I hated it. I hated driving. I don’t know if it was because of the roads or because I know that I shouldn’t be on the roads. I was driving to work one day and I was looking around at all the cars and it was like “all these people have put their lives in my hands,” and mine in theirs.

And yeah, I did get in my first accident, the last day my dad was here. It wasn’t big, no one was hurt, but my car (the car I was borrowing) got damaged. And everyone was telling me it happens, like you should expect your first accident to happen soon, and its better it happened now, you learn from your mistakes, just wait till I tell you about my first accident. But I don’t think anyone gets, or just forgot, how it feels when you get into your first accident. My dad keeps telling me it wasn’t my fault, and that I behaved correctly and should be proud of how I handled it, but I think that’s just so I don’t get discouraged. It feels… embarrassing to get into your first accident 5 days after your driver’s license. It feels so shameful, I’m so ashamed, I don’t want to even think what would’ve happened if it were worse. I felt numb during the accident, but afterwards it was just shame. I feel like people would be laughing, especially my family, after checking up that I was ok, like “haha you got into your first accident.” Not even in a spiteful way, but more like a join the club way. But still… I don’t really know how to explain it, I just feel… so ashamed.

Now, I would like to talk about something else. Something that has been getting me down for the past couple of weeks. It’s been happening for a long time, around a year or so, and I keep trying to find a permanent solution, but it’s never happened. The thing is I get a lot of headaches. Like, it’s an achievement for me to go a week without getting a single headache. I get them frequently and painfully, and they don’t go away without painkillers. I sometimes even wake up with them. So, I got a blood test, and my results, besides the regular anemia, is that my vitamin D level is really low too, and that combination might be causing the headaches. I also visited an ophthalmologist, to check if my eyes were the problem, and he said my overuse of the laptop is probably why I get headaches, because my eyes are straining.

It’s great, you know, that my doctors are helping me, giving me solutions. But, I suffer from really really painful headaches, and I don’t want a “probably” or a “might” I want a damn solution already. I’m only 21, I shouldn’t be feeling like this, like my head is about to explode. And I can’t very damn well not use my laptop, I’m a journalist and all my work is on the laptop. And if it’s from the laptop why doesn’t EVERYONE suffer from them? Why is it just me? I don’t use my laptop less than anyone else, no less than my colleagues at work.

I probably sound ungrateful. I probably am. I mean, nothing is seriously wrong with me, and I’m complaining. But I honestly can’t deal with it anymore. So, I’m just gonna end this blog here. There’s really nothing I can write than can help.

February Resolutions:
  • Join Ballroom Dancing Lessons (don’t mind paying for that one)
  • Cook some meals
  • Not cry as much (failed)
  • Learn to be a better driver (working on it)

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