I’ve been studying relationships for the past few weeks and I’ve noticed a pattern. A common tendency in relationships (I’m not going to generalize and say all, because, let’s face it, I’m 21) is that one person in the relationship is very emotional, and the other person is more reserved. I’m not saying one person likes the other more, although that is the case sometimes. I’m saying, more often than not, one person expresses it more.
One of my friends, let’s call her Jane, is a more reserved and doesn’t show emotion (to say unemotional would be wrong) type. Me? I’m the opposite end of the same spectrum, I’m over emotional. I feel things around 1000 times more than a regular person would. A bowl of jello could make me ecstatic.
Now we, Jane and I, have an agreement: to teach each other how to control our emotions. You see, recently, my emotions have been raging. They’ve been all over the place and making me happy, making me sad, making me cry, making me laugh, just everywhere. It’s what happens when you go through a change, and I’m going through many.
So, I’ve been asking Jane to help me find what she calls the “off switch.” Up till now, I still don’t believe there’s an off switch for emotions, because I like to think that instead, there’s a way to steel your emotions, be in control of them, and don’t let them show too much.
And while I’ve been looking for the off switch, I’ve been trying to help Jane become more emotional. Because always having to mask your emotions and not letting them show could be off putting to someone. But more importantly, it could be off putting to yourself. You’ve got to show emotion once in a while, people respond to others who show an interest. Behaving like you couldn’t care less makes you seem exactly like that. And Jane doesn’t want to be like that anymore.
It’s funny that when you’re the over emotional one like I am, you wish, more than anything, that you could just turn off your emotions for a while, just stop thinking about everyone and everything that keeps you up at night. To delete all the memories that make you ache, and just for once sleep with an empty mind. But I’ve been going about this all wrong. Just because I’m over emotional doesn’t mean that people like Jane don’t stay up at night. They could stay up for the exact same reason, but from a different perspective. For example, I could think about why I need people all the time, and a counter thought would be why do I push people away.
You see, you can’t really judge who you’re not. While putting yourself in someone else’s shows is always helpful, and sympathy when needed is great, don’t forget that everyone has problems, and your problems are just as real as someone else’s. People who live a more reserved, quiet life, yes I do envy you, but I get that might you envy me sometimes. The thing with over emotional people is that we’re starved for emotion, mostly love, that we’ll give so much of it out just to receive an inch back. And with under emotional people, I know that you care, and your actions speak levels of how much you love us.
Now some people might call that clingy, or too sweet, or whatever crap people have labeled being decent nowadays. But I’d rather kill someone with kindness than have them take away what I think some people might love about me. The people who truly love me don’t care that I say I love you perhaps 5 times a day. They don’t care that sometimes I need them just to cheer me up and tell me that they care about me. They do it because they know who I am and that life is rough sometimes. And in return they don’t need to ask me to tell them I love them, and tell them they’re special, because I’m already doing it.
You see, over emotional people get along with other over emotional people and sometimes it’s just a plethora of emotion, spilling out like water out of a fountain. But quite rarely, over emotional people find people who don’t share that publicly displaying emotion is that endearing but they mesh perfectly together. It’s the perfect mixture of give and take. I have been lucky enough to find that type of relationship, more than once, and I relish it.
Jane and I are learning from each other. We’re not going to become each other, I think we’re just going to get closer on the same spectrum, closer towards the middle. For the right people, it’s alright to be yourself, but when it’s comes to a new relationship, remember to give it time, to be in control of your emotions. Let people get used to a person they can connect with before you start releasing all your emotions. That’s a lesson I have to learn myself.