A New Chapter

Yes, I know. The title is so cheesy. But I am really moving into a new chapter of my life.

I’ve moved out. Technically, I’m still living in my parent’s house (in Dubai) but I have moved out of Lebanon. It still hasn’t really hit me. I mean, I unpacked, I’ve said it out loud, I’ve had family (my extended family lives here, too) lunches celebrating my return, and it still hasn’t hit me.

I feel like I’m on vacation. A permanent vacation, maybe. Is one not supposed to be happy with the place they live? Or is that just my Lebanese 6 year experience talking?

In all fairness, and quite shockingly, I miss Lebanon. I don’t miss its problems and how unbelievably bored I was there, but I miss the people. I miss my room (how lame is that? But my room was pretty awesome). I miss the routine I had come up with for the past 6 years. In Dubai, it seems like I’m always rushing to do something. And I don’t have much time to myself. And I love having time to myself. To do whatever I want with it.

I suppose a routine will happen sooner or later. I just need to settle in for now. I need to deal with the fact that my university life chapter has closed. I guess that’s the weird part. It’s a cliché to say I’m starting a new chapter of my life, but in those movies/books/other outlets, they never mention how hard it is to close the chapter you were currently in. Yes, every day I wished that chapter would come to an end, but now it has happened and everything is happening so fast and I have to become an adult now?! An actual adult that has a job?

I don’t know how to adult, the concept is so foreign to me. Are there any schools that teach that? No.

To all of you in Lebanon who are/were (that seems sad but it’s going to happen) my friends, know that whenever I hugged you, I hugged you with all my heart. Whenever I said I love you, I meant it, and I always will. I tend to love people for a very long time. And know that even though I might not be with you, all our memories are with me, and I will cherish them till eternity. And it’s never “goodbye”, it’s just a simple “I’ll see you soon.”

No, but seriously, anyone have any tips on adulting?

Guys, let’s be real for a second. Can you really live in a place for 6 years and not have any scars? Any memories? Any people you’d miss? It baffles me when I tell people I’ll miss it, and they go “Oh, but you love Dubai, you’ll be much happier there.” True, but it’s not like I only can love one place. Lebanon was home for a while, which is why it still feels like I’m on vacation. I do love Dubai, I love the place I was born and raised in, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hold similar home-y feelings towards Lebanon. I woke up, ate, was educated, and slept there for 5 years. It’s bound to have left its mark on me. If the mark was for better or for worse I can’t determine right now.

Ah, my insecurities. Yes, Lebanon, or rather, Lebanese people, thank you for those. I actually caught a glimpse of my insecurities today, asking my soulmate, who I’ve been best friends with for 11 years now, if she’d get bored of me. Uh, I think we’re past that stage by now. But you can’t shake insecurities as easily as you unpack your clothes. It’s going to be difficult, but I think soon enough, I’ll be a brand new person. Hopefully with less insecurities, and more confidence. But who knows? I might be just the same person I am right now, just in a new chapter of my life.

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